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A Radical Proposal

The NHL has a bit of a problem on its hands. Obviously, concussions are an issue–realistically, they’re always an issue in contact-heavy sports. Gary Bettman can also be a problem, specifically when it comes to keeping the Coyotes in Arizona. But that leads to a hidden problem in the NHL.

What if the Arizona experiment finally cracks? That’ll call for relocating the franchise. After all, you can’t have an NHL team when the locker rooms consist of this. Since the ‘Yotes were already kicked out of one arena, how long will they stick around in the desert?

Of course, the Coyotes aren’t the only team facing relocation rumors. There’s also Florida, who’s dealt with abysmal play and attendance numbers during their tenure. The Devils were also in the mix until their recent success.

Other teams, such as the Ducks and Blue Jackets, are in the same boat, with a lack of success and support. With that, why not just shake up the NHL and move some teams? I’m talking about bringing back Norris/Patrick Division-style conferences, or as they’re known in baseball or football, an American and National League.

For this, there will be two versions of this proposal: one with current teams and one with relocated teams. The relocated teams will be based on where the best fits for hockey are (i.e. Quebec City and Milwaukee). Of course, there will be untouchable teams such as the Original Six and the two recent expansion teams (Vegas and Seattle).

Now, you’re probably wondering what the schedule will look like. Divisions will be comprised of directions, i.e. “North”, “South”, etc. They’ll also have four teams per division, with 16 teams in each conference.

With that, one team will play their divisional foes 18 times (six per foe) and will play their conference foes 48 times (playing 12 intraconference opponents four times). The rest will be 16 games against teams of the opposing conference. That consists of a rotation of two divisions of the opposing conference at home one year, and two of the others at home the next. Yes, the opposite is also true, by the way.

As for the playoffs, it’ll be the divisional winners that make it. Then, it’s the next four best teams in the conference. The current best-of series format will still be in play, though. But the team with more points will have home ice advantage. As for the seeding, it’ll be seeded in this fashion:

  • Top seed versus the worst playoff team in the conference
  • Second-best seed versus the second-worst play0ff team
  • Third-best seed versus the third-best playoff team
  • Worst division winner versus the best non-division winner

In short, this is your 1-8, 2-7, 3-6, and 4-5 matchups. Honestly, the NHL was just as entertaining when the eighth seed would occasionally upset the top seed in the conference. 2012 Los Angeles Kings, anybody?

Let’s get on to the conferences themselves, shall we? We’ll start with the current incarnation of NHL teams, i.e. Phoenix and Columbus. Here’s the Patrick Conference. And yes, this isn’t your grandfather’s hockey divisions (or conferences):

  • Patrick East
    • Boston Bruins
    • Montreal Canadiens
    • New York Rangers
    • Toronto Maple Leafs
  • Patrick North
    • Columbus Blue Jackets
    • Minnesota Wild
    • Buffalo Sabres
    • Winnipeg Jets
  • Patrick South
    • Arizona Coyotes
    • Colorado Avalanche
    • Dallas Stars
    • Tampa Bay Lightning
  • Patrick West
    • Los Angeles Kings
    • Seattle Kraken
    • Vancouver Canucks
    • Vegas Golden Knights

Montreal, Toronto, and Boston can never be separated since they’re the better Original Six rivalries in the NHL. I also threw in the Rangers to have at least one New York team in the American Conference. Yes, the Devils and Islanders are more suited to play the role of the New York Mets (compared to the Rangers being the Yankees in New York terms), at least in this scenario. But that might change with the right relocations.

The Patrick South and North are a hodgepodge of teams that are either non-traditional, yet thriving markets, underrated hockey markets, or forgotten hockey teams. Because let’s be honest: nobody cares about the Buffalo Sabres or the Arizona Coyotes.

The Patrick West consists of an underrated Los Angeles/Las Vegas rivalry and the Vancouver/Seattle rivalry. NHL fans out west can appreciate competitive games between these division members, especially when Jack Eichel and Kevin Fiala are involved.

But what about the Norris Conference?

  • Norris East
    • New Jersey Devils
    • New York Islanders
    • Philadelphia Flyers
    • Pittsburgh Penguins
  • Norris North
    • Chicago Blackhawks
    • Detroit Red Wings
    • Ottawa Senators
    • St. Louis Blues
  • Norris South
    • Carolina Hurricanes
    • Florida Panthers
    • Nashville Predators
    • Washington Capitals
  • Norris West
    • Anaheim Ducks
    • Calgary Flames
    • Edmonton Oilers
    • San Jose Sharks

The Norris East should be as entertaining as its American counterpart, with the Penguins and Flyers headlining the conference. Throw in resurrected Devils and Islanders teams and you have a recipe for success.

The Norris North is the backbone of the conference, history-wise. The Red Wings, Black Hawks, and Blues are reunited, bringing back hatred from their Central Division days. The Norris South is also a good conference, with all four teams playing excellent hockey in recent years.

The Norris West features the Battle of Alberta, which should rule the roost for the next few years. Still, it’ll be fun to see Trevor Zegras compete with the likes of Connor McDavid and other rivals.

Now, what if we moved some teams to different cities? Let’s take five teams and relocate them, with the list looking like this:

  • Arizona to Quebec City
  • Florida to Houston
  • Columbus to Milwaukee
  • Anaheim to Kansas City
  • Buffalo to Hamilton

With our changed teams, the conferences will look a bit more sensical. Tampa Bay wouldn’t have to fly all the way to Denver or Phoenix for a divisional game. The game becomes a bit more regionalized as opposed to worrying about teams relocating (looking at you, Arizona).

Let’s kick off this round with what the optimal Patrick Conference would look like.

  • Patrick East
    • Boston Bruins
    • Montreal Canadiens
    • Quebec Nordiques
    • Toronto Maple Leafs
  • Patrick North
    • Hamilton
    • Milwaukee
    • Minnesota Wild
    • Winnipeg Jets
  • Patrick South
    • Dallas
    • Kansas City
    • St. Louis Blues
    • Tampa Bay Lightning
  • Patrick West
    • Los Angeles Kings
    • Seattle Kraken
    • Vancouver Canucks
    • Vegas Golden Knights

Now that’s more like it. As mentioned before, Tampa Bay doesn’t have to fly to Denver or Arizona for divisional games. Instead, they just have to hop to Houston, St. Louis, or Kansas City (who’s swapped with the Colorado Avalanche).

Hamilton and Milwaukee also make their debut in the Patrick North, while the Quebec Nordiques debut in the Patrick East. Plus, the Ducks move to Kansas City and the Patrick Conference. Otherwise, everything else is the same.

What about the Norris Conference, you ask?

  • Norris East
    • New Jersey Devils
    • New York Islanders
    • New York Rangers
    • Philadelphia Flyers
  • Norris North
    • Chicago Blackhawks
    • Detroit Red Wings
    • Ottawa Senators
    • Pittsburgh Penguins
  • Norris South
    • Carolina Hurricanes
    • Houston
    • Nashville Predators
    • Washington Capitals
  • Norris West
    • Calgary Flames
    • Colorado Avalanche
    • Edmonton Oilers
    • San Jose Sharks

The Rangers are in the same division as their Big Apple-esque counterparts, making this an Empire State affair. As a result, the Penguins move to the Norris North with the Red Wings and Black Hawks, which makes for quality markets.

While the Norris South remains static (with the exception of Florida moving to Houston), the Norris West gains a new member. Now, the Colorado Avalanche aren’t suffering from jet lag and can play closer to home. Plus, they’re reunited with the Detroit Red Wings, their heated rival from the 90s-2000s. Basically, you’re bringing back the old Northwest Division (this time, with Sharks)!

Do I think this’ll ever happen? Probably not in Gary Bettman’s NHL. But it’d be pretty nice to see. Either that, or it’ll anger everybody. Oh well.

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